sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
