You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm too high and old for this...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
