If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
