Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
