just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
