I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
