Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
