is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
