dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
