Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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