Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Dear god my vagina.
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