so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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