oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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