if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
