Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
