My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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