I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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