Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
