her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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