It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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