I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
