remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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