I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
