Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
