I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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