the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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