you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
