i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
