My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
