i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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