ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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