If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
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