To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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