Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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