Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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