does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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