I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
