let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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