no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
