i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
