make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
