I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
