She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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