why didn't you poke me back
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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