i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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