Having a random hookup so left but love u
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
