Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
