also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
