Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
