she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
